Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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