Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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