my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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