what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
