please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
