found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
