You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
