So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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