just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
