it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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