She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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