Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize