Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
