I faked an abortion last night.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
