she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
