Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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