allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
