This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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