dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize