i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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