I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
