I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
