you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
