East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
