Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
