theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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