Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
