Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
