Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
