Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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