Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
