a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
