If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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