I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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