I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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