Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
