Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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