On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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