Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
