I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize