you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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