even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
