I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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