Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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