I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
