Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
