Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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