matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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