i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
