so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So much rum. So many feels.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
