I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
