I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
