girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
