I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
