A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
