It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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