We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
