A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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