we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
