I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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