I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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