I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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