remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
