Will you blow on my dice?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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