yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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