I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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