I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
