I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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