I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
