I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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